{ Tribute }

 I tend to look at life outside of the box, life taught me to be thus. There are many things that I have learned in my 36 years; I know I am chronologically young (not that young, lol ) but inside I don't feel young at all, I feel old, ancient. Dear stranger, I know we don't know each other but let me share with you my life, this is personal to me and I am not the type who spills out everything via the net, but somehow I kind of feel like sharing this bit with you. Hope you don't mind that it's a bit of a sob story...

I came from a brocken home. My mom left my dad because she could no longer bear him. I remember feeling very sad that day despite the fact that we did give our blessing for her to leave...because I saw how we all fell apart. My mother held our family together and she's gone. It was time for all three of us to grow up, this time on our own.

I got married at a very young age-16, barely an adult (but I did become... circumstances forced me to grow up pretty quickly). My husband was 18, we were still teens at the time but somehow, strangely enough, both sets of parents agreed to us getting married (!).  I lived a difficult life and tears were a constant companion. I won't go into details because you'd think my life came straight out of a drama movie (chuckle...), but it was a life full of, well, tears and angst. I felt controlled and imprisoned; I was on a leash, I have no voice, I have no freedom.

I felt like a fish in a bowl, 

circling-circling with nowhere to go;

A bird in a cage, staring at the sky,

but I wanted to fly! and that is all.

 I won't share everything that happened to me because some are too personal, these are just a handful. However, the important thing is that I survived the persecutions of life and here I am now, standing tall, scarred perhaps but by God's grace I have overcomed. In retrospect-all these things made me strong. I raised my children and loved my husband, the way I know how and with all the love I can possibly give...I set aside my dreams, my ambitions til cobwebs have hidden them from my view and as the years rolled on by, I have given up on any hope that even one of them will come true. 

"Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." I Peter 5:7

Then started my love affair with the Lord. He was there when I thought nobody were and that is true. My eyes began to see Him. He became everything to me, I no longer felt alone, I no longer felt weak. He became my strenght, He became my friend, my God. He is real ;) and that is precious to me- my Creator had made himself known to me. We were able to migrate to another country where we had better opportunities. I was able to pursue my dreams- every single one of them and it felt marvellous! at the same time, my relationship with the Lord grew stronger, as is with my husband who became very supportive of me.

"...for He knoweth our frame, He remembereth that we are dust." Psalms 103:14

It is hard to describe with words, because it is beyond words. Following Jesus for me is a personal thing, a holy grail and all I can say is that I am grateful to be able to serve Him in this lifetime. The only hope, the only light and salvation of every human soul is Jesus- that is the truth that I know. The thing is, it takes childlike faith to believe this...because it goes beyond carnal knowledge. Man depends too much on his own intellect, though finite, hence- imperfect and subject to faults and rarely give way to faith. Sometimes, it is as simple as having faith, see.

I guess all I could say is to know God is a personal experience, perhaps that is why words will never be enough to explain it to anyone. Some say, following Jesus is difficult but it is quite the opposite- it is liberating, it is freedom.


If you read some of my stuff over at Pure Faith,  it may come across (to some people) that I glorify suffering and sorrow; but I actually don't, I just view it as a positive thing. I am not scared of those words nor of the experience because in my life, suffering is a great teacher...it sobered me up a great deal, in many ways. Above all, it opened my eyes to the fact that I need God, that there is a God and He isn't just a legend, He isn't far away and that prayers get answered. Oft times desperation drives us to realize these things...

At the end of the day, true happiness and peace for me is God first, everything else will follow. In the past, I tried to forsake my faith, to blend in into the world but it just brought me misery. There is truly none like Him...and once He has touched your life, that is it- you won't forget it for God's love is perfect and it satisfies, see. It quenches all thirst, all hunger. Hmm, beyond words, really. So, this post is a tribute to my Lord and I hope my life can testify of Him even more as the years go by.

The Lord turned my dreams into reality, He answered all my prayers, He turned my sorrow into gladness and my mourning into laughter. In my journey, there are many roads but all these roads truly lead to One and I am thankful.  I give all the praise to my one true God, Jesus Christ. Amen.